I know, I know.. Blogging is like having kids.. no sooner have you knocked one out then every bugger wants to know when the next one is due... And that has the immediate effect of reducing my brain to empty mush...
So, what have I been up to since I was diagnosed I hear you ask? And even if you didn't we'll just pretend you did shall we? Well, I have been learning that depression is a pernicious beast and simply taking pills and getting lots of rest does not make it all go away. This is something I will live with for the rest of my life and the best form of treatment is learning to manage it appropriately.
Can you imagine being too scared to go food shopping ~ the idea of having to be amongst all those people and to have to make decisions about what to feed the kids ~ without someone else there to make it bearable.. I discovered that lightning raids on the local Tesco Express were so much easier.. not to mention a lot more expensive, something I really don't need, being jobless and all!
And then there's the fun of "keeping up appearances" ~ God Forbid anyone should see through the cheery banter and smile ~ and as for the heavy drinking, well that's just Nicki being a laugh isn't it? People may have noticed I was drinking like the proverbial, but being British would rather have chopped an arm off than mention it! Can you imagine? "I say Nicki, is it absolutely necessary to drink yourself into a stupor 5 nights a week?" No, that just would not do ~ hey ho.
So anyway, I deal with things on a daily basis ~ and a day where I get something achieved is a very good one. A day where things go belly up is now relegated to the "life's a bugger isn't it" league, as opposed to the "I am so rubbish I should be dead" league.
I now try and "count my blessings" daily.. something my Mum told me to do years ago and I dismissed as a load of old cobblers. Funnily enough, it turns out she was a Wise Old Bird and it really does make a difference. Granted, some days the blessing of my 3 kids has to be counted through clenched teeth, but generally speaking that's my first one. The second one encompasses all my friends, old and new, especially those who have been brave enough to stand up and be counted as fellow mad heads! And then there is this chap.. I believe I alluded to him in an earlier Blog ~ I wont name him as he will self-combust with embarrassment ~ but he has made such a difference to my life recently, and continues to do so on a daily basis. He has been brave enough to share his own experiences, and wise enough to know when to let me rant and when to shut me up (no mean feat I can assure you). He told me that although I am mental at the moment he thinks I might be alright when I get better.. thereby proving that romance is not dead.. or so he tells me.
So, despite the reappearance of the dreaded Hemiplegic Migraines (Hell, Google it) I think that all round I am doing OK. The real Nicki is beginning to emerge, and funnily enough, I've missed her ~ and I am looking forward to introducing her back into Society.
I think I've made my point about this stuff now ~ my next Blog will be about the new stuff I hope, let's face it ~ it will be much more of a laugh wont it?!